10th December 2011
Warning travel emotions may be present in the following blog
I think my subconscious was trying to tell me something this whole time. I woke up feeling really emotional and stressed. A big part of it is the end of the trip, the return to the dreaded Real Life, and trying to understand what where who… the straw that broke the camel’s back was this little thing called a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish you could just wake up and have everything seem sorted and your life planned out… but then again where’s the adventure in that? So you just keep plodding along.
I tried to focus on my blog while Cathleen was at band practice. Since I was leaving soon I worked on repacking and discovered I couldn’t find my Nepali Christmas Ornament and in my fragile state…it felt like an ominous sign.
I had tried to call the elusive Buddha but it just rang, apparently a sign that the signal was not going through. A mutual friend was online and he said he had just called and spoken with Buddha, so I quickly gave it another try, but it was no good. Logically I knew I was being ridiculous but emotions tend to reach a boiling point in me.
Christmas Concert and Hallelujah
I made it through to the evening when I had to walk to the church where Cathleen and her band were playing. I put on my MP3 and listened to some music that made me feel stronger and less likely to fall apart at the drop of the hat. I was feeling pretty confident and together and was thoroughly enjoying the concert. And then the band did something that was so unfair, so ruthless, so dangerous to someone in the fragile state I was trying to avoid… they played HALLELUJAH!
This song makes me emotional on the best of days and right now I couldn’t stop the tears. Luckily I wasn’t sobbing like a baby but I was close. Cathleen could see me from her place and afterwards came up and asked “Was it that good or that bad, that you cried??”. She still had to finish up in the back and clean, we decided I would just head home. I must have looked like a crazy person as I was talking to myself all the way home. I made it home and luckily my good friend/shrink, Roger, was online, he calmed me down and ordered to find a cure, preferably in the form of alcohol. I walked out of the room and Cathleen’s roommates took one look at me handed me a glass of wine and said “boys?”. Funny how girls always seem to know.
The roommates got me talking about my travels and that always works to take my mind off things. We looked at pics and talked about adventures until Cathleen got home. She convinced me to go out to meet her band friends and have some good German food. Food and friends are always a cure for when you are feeling down. I am fairly certain one guy was even hitting on me, later Cathleen said he actually hits on anything that even looks vaguely female… oh well still going to count it.